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ty baccam

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my ainsel [Friday, April 8th, 2005 @ 9:47pm]
[ mood | sleepy. dreamy. ]
[ music | melanie doane - i can't take my eyes of you ]

"so yeah, jesus does pretty good over here. but i met a guy who said he saw him hitchhiking by the side of the road in afghanistan and nobody was stopping to give him a ride. you know? it all depends on where you are." - jacquel, from "american gods"

i added the livejournal feed of neil gaiman's journal onto my friends list. i've been seeing these feeds around lj, and they are so cool! too bad joss doesn't keep a public journal. maybe he knows how much i would be harassing him, lmao.

anyways, american gods just keeps getting better and better by the page. everyone needs to read this book. seriously. i'm off to read more [ i didn't just say that. ;) ].
6 vamps dusted | save me

survey says [Friday, April 8th, 2005 @ 7:59pm]
[ mood | narcissistic & quizotic ]
[ music | maren ord - all i want ]

"ooohh... scott hope at eleven o'clock. he likes you. he wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. but i think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or... or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. OH! i didn't mean the *bad* thing with your mouth! i meant that little half-smile thing that you..." *glares at oz* "...you're supposed to stop me when i do that." - willow, 3.03 "faith, hope & trick"

someone please tell me that they have a copy of melanie doane's "i can't take my eyes off you"? please? my recent backup after my recent hard drive scare revealed i didn't have a lot of the music i thought i already re-pirated. =/  FYI, it's the song played at the end of 5.06 "family" when willow and tara are dancing. lovely song. someone please tell me they have it and want to send it to me and i'll link you to my temporary ftp if necessary.

besides that, IF bored, you can fill out this delicious survey i stole from [info]la_reine_rien. tell me how cool or lame i am! as i am feeling so narcissistic! and then, IF you dare, post the same survery in YOUR journal! XD

warning : PG-13 rating )

8 vamps dusted | save me

under my skin [Friday, April 8th, 2005 @ 1:50pm]
"looks the same. handcrafted by blind tibetan monks?"
"pieced together by mute chinese nuns. now that’s craftsmanship."
- cordy & rick, 1.14 "i've got you under my skin"

so this is me according to the dalai lama :

my priorites:
1. PRIDE
1. FAMILY
2. LOVE
3. CAREER
4. MONEY
my views
• i am LOYAL
• my lover is SLEEPY
• my enemies are DIRTY
• sex to me is WARM
• my life TRANQUIL
my colours
• i will never forget natalie (halfbloodme)
• my truest friend is lara (artemisofluna)
• i love leticia (perra_laika)
• my twin soul is alice (haunted_solace)
• i will always remember nathalie (bittermoon)

24 vamps dusted | save me

what's my line? [Thursday, April 7th, 2005 @ 8:16pm]
[ mood | quizotic ]
[ music | vanessa carlton - afterglow ]

"okay! uhhh! i shouldn't even be bothering with this. it's all mootville for
me... no matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal."
- buffy, 2.09 "what's my line part 1"

dear reader, i resisted as long as i could but eventually crumbled and just filled the bloody thing out. peer pressure! lol. ugh... well... enjoy! (no, seriously, don't look)

meme meme meme meme meme meme )

18 vamps dusted | save me

burklelicious [Thursday, April 7th, 2005 @ 5:15pm]
[ mood | to self : don't fall to pieces ]
[ music | avril lavigne - fall to pieces ]

i've finally decided that my next target purchase is the angel season two dvd box set. the return of darla and the introduction of fred and the (literal) two second willow in the finale... let's just say... i've decided.

fred & angel, 2.22, "there's no place like plrtz glrb"
buffyverse db :: vrya.net/bdb/clip.php?clip=5187

trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark )

10 vamps dusted | save me

silver strand [Thursday, April 7th, 2005 @ 3:11pm]
[ mood | trying not to think too much. ]
[ music |    the cranberries - stars ]

"we saved the world. i say we party."
- buffy, 1.12 "prophecy girl"


second only to the x-files. not too shabby at all.
stole the link from [info]bbthatsme : www.bellaonline.com/articles/art30354.asp

5 vamps dusted | save me

choices [Wednesday, April 6th, 2005 @ 11:55pm]
[ mood | neil gaiman - american gods ]
[ music | chantal kreviazuk - leaving on a jet plane ]

buffy: what do you say, will? big time danger.
willow: hey... i eat danger for breakfast!   =)
- 3.19, "choices"

so i just decided to overlook my obsessive-compulsive everything must be perfect before i publish method of thinking. and i went ahead and made my new layout my 'live' web-site, even though i'm not finished moulding my content yet (none of my buttons go anywhere). oh well. it still feels good to put sortasomething up, and to know that i'm officially designing cabbage in flash now.

check out : http://shadowseeker.now.nu

off for some more american gods. almost half way...
yesterday i found this rather amusing and ironic :
soon they will fall and the star people will meet the earth people. there will be heroes among them, and men who will slay monsters and bring knowledge, but none of them will be gods. this is a poor place for gods.

5 vamps dusted | save me

justapreview [Wednesday, April 6th, 2005 @ 3:46pm]

shadowseekerseven.tripod.com/test3/flash/index.html


6 vamps dusted | save me

melted [Monday, April 4th, 2005 @ 9:40am]
i watch the rich get richer
i watch the poor struggle to live
they still tell me they are hopeless
yet unknowingly cling.
i've nothing to give.

silence in my room now... my thoughts don't make a sound
but still the storm continues... relentless... quietly...
invisible snow on the ground.
i'm watching for the melt... hoping for the rain.
don't talk to god but can't say i'm not waiting...
take my hand. smile at me. say i'm not insane.

or maybe that's just a plane?
or just an echo. of a journey, or of a winter...
one we'll never forget.

silence in my room now... my thoughts don't make a sound
but still the storm continues... relentless... quietly...
more invisibles on the ground.
am i winning or have i already lost?
or do i ask too much? too often?
quietly... tiring... relentless...
more invisibles on the ground.

~ ty baccam, "melted"

12 vamps dusted | save me

angelus' truth [Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 @ 11:06pm]
passion. it lies in all of us. sleeping... waiting...
and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir...
open its jaws, and howl.
it speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all.
and we obey. what other choice do we have?

passion is the source of our finest moments.
the joy of love... the clarity of hatred...
and the ecstasy of grief.

it hurts sometimes more than we can bear.
if we could live without passion,
maybe we'd know some kind of peace.
but we would be hollow. empty rooms,
shuttered and dank...
without passion,
we'd be truly dead.



- angelus, 2.17 "passion"

18 vamps dusted | save me

[I]nternational [B]ogus [M]achines [Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 @ 1:42pm]
[ mood | complainingly contemplative ]
[ music | the cranberries - you & me ]

"mrs. summers, you have to understand the severity of what's happened to your daughter.
over the last six years she's been in a undifferentiated type of schizophrenia... buffy's
delusion is multi-layered. she believes she's some type of hero."
- doctor, 6.17 "normal again"

jun treated andy and me to dinner last night. i mentioned something about chinese take-out preferrably from a place too small to sit in and eat much like the beloved china sea i grew up on in malton. he remembered a place his friend told him about on highway 27 and it was total delish! i don't like greasy foods, and everything we got from this place was just excellent. good times.

we got back a little before 11pm and my dad tried to give me shit for 'staying out too late'. gimme a break. i mean, my father has always been a great do what you can to pay the bills type of person but, in many ways, he is just completely clueless. at least my mother tries to remember to weigh my bads with my goods (most of the time) before shitting on me, but my dad has this notion that it's okay to direct his anger for all three of his sons towards just me. this is the high cost of keeping an 'open ear' and an 'open mind'. at least my mom can retain the fact that i wasn't just the son that helped out with almost $4,000 for for the downpayment of this house, but that i was the only son that even gave her a penny... while my dad can't even remember that i was the only son to sit and console him and offer him the few hundred in cash i had at the time my mom was threatening to throw him out.

umm... yes sir, i suppose i shouldn't be out at 10:30pm on a saturday. i forgot about that. [anyone who has something bad to say about my "lack" of appreciation for my family needs to count the number alcoholic slash drug addicted members in their family before commenting or emailing me. thank you in advance for you co-operation.]

ek's been getting a little better. he offers me smokes and recently offered cash when i mentioned being close to broke. he often tells me how much he appreciates how i raised andrew and alicia MORE than he ever did, and that tells me his eyes are slowly opening. to start to appreciate me in that sense, is indeed to start learning how to forgive yourself for not being perfect. he still has a long way to go of course, but a start is a start.

my other brother, tho, is getting worse i think. this week i talked to ek, jun, dabid and andy about his drinking and we're all stupified about it. you really shouldn't sneak into your parents room to steal beer even once. i can't even count how many times he has in this house alone. that's just wrong. and you shouldn't try to convince me i need a "normal job" when just last week you needed me to loan you two hundreds dollars (which probably all went to beer and cigarettes and weed). that's just not cool. =/

a little over a year ago i bought an IBM hard drive. big mistake.
12 vamps dusted | save me

i am googlable [Thursday, March 31st, 2005 @ 3:40am]
[ mood | sleepy. and finally googlable. ]

willow : have you googled her yet?
xander: willow!! she's seventeen!!!
- 7.04 "help"

i'm not obsessive compulsive at all... but i did finally make number one on google. it's like, first place! okay, it's really not. i'm just a nerd. did i just say 'finally'?? i meant... i just checked and it was, really cool. haha. must take my nap now. i never said i wasn't lame. ;)
5 vamps dusted | save me

"checking in?" [Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 @ 11:20pm]
[ mood | thinkage. as usual. ]
[ music | eminem - rain man ]

"i'm not ashamed. it's the computer age. nerds are in. they're... still in... right?"
- willow, 1.12 "prophecy girl"

marcus is planning on renewing his dot com. technically, since he did give me money, he was my first client. steve is my second client. if things work out, i should have a nice elegant site up for steve in only two or three weeks. once that is done, i will have a meeting with john f., who is also eagerly awaiting his own interweb exposure. things are seeming to slowly fall into place. definitely not as fast as most people would like their lives to change for the better, but it seems like every day i'm finding more reaons why i should at least try to succeed.

i told marcus the other day that, as a friend, i would of course be willing to help him with web design. but as far as convincing people to do business with him goes, he needs MUCH more than just a website. he needs a business first. it took me several hours to get it through to him, but the truth of the matter is that there is something undeniable in the fact that we can show the same website i built to dozens of people, but only MY audience would want to do business. it's really no one's fault but your own that you aren't skilled enough in a trade to 'convince' people to do business.

i emailed annie guillo tonight. i noticed last week that her dot com was gone and decided today that i didn't want to lose the chance to be her developer (if i indeed have the chance). i'm really not sure if she'll agree, but i will remain hopeful. if she agrees, then she will technically be my fourth client. and the fact that she is a model with a television background really wouldn't hurt my reputation at all. it's so nice to 'know people'. this would really make me look good. well, a guy can hope. =/
3 vamps dusted | save me

queens university [Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 @ 5:42pm]
[ mood | thoughtful. contemplative. ]
[ music | anything from mobb deep ]

...infamous first infantry, first division, fourth mission
first assignment : give 'em that shit they been missin'
my new edition's way bitchin'
those that listen... get addicted to my diction
fuck rhymes. i write prescriptions
for your disease
generic rap's just not potent like p's...



- prodigy, "quiet storm"

save me

that ain't cute [Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 @ 3:06pm]
[ mood | tired and slow of mind. haha. ]
[ music | vanessa carlton - afterglow ]

"well, they weren't very well organized. if they all rushed at buffy, they
could have killed her right away." - anya, 4.17 "superstar"


so dabid can't stop forwarding me those junk emails that make interweb techies shudder from the thought of 'wasted' global bandwidth. lmao. but i know most of you lj people would find this cute or something. even though i don't. * wink *

i doubt any warranty covers that )

7 vamps dusted | save me

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